I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
