Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
