totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
