shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
