I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
