Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Found your dick twin last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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