I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
