you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
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I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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