so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
