The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
