my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
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