Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had sex on a roof
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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