happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
