remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
