Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
