let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
