thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
