im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Couch. On fire.
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