my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
