i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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