we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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