i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
