I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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