I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
