I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
