She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
