I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
