I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
