Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
