I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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