I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
