i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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