My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I did not marry a roomba.
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