still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
