Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
