I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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