I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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