I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
