Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
