honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
