Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
