But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
