A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
