is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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