Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
