The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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