there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
