You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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