I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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