It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
