But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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