First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
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It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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