Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
