I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
