Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Text me some of your sweat
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
