she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
