If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
