I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
