Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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