Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
