I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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