i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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